The Practice of Groundedness: Book Review + Reality Check

The Practice of Groundedness, a recent work by well-known performance expert Brad Stulberg, was my unexpected audio entertainment on a recent road trip to Tenessee. Goosebumps down my spine in the first 5 minutes of listening was the unexpected part. The funny thing is, I don’t remember downloading this book.  I opened my Audible library and there it was. It was like the universe wanted me to hear this message.

The book begins with Stulburg describing his life. In 2017, at 31 years old he was expecting his first child and establishing himself as a human performance expert with the release of the book, Peak Performance. He was featured in New York Times and Wall Street Journal and coached elite athletes, entrepreneurs, and executives.

Then, out of nowhere, he began to experience terrifying and debilitating anxiety and panic attacks. After thoughts of suicide, he sought help and was eventually diagnosed with pure obsessive-compulsive disorder. Pure OCD does not present itself as you’d think, washing hands obsessively or some other visible trait. It is the constant torment of intrusive thoughts and feelings of despair, anxiety, and self-harm.

When he began to describe his symptoms, it hit me hard. I was not expecting it, nor was I aware of his struggles. Although it’s well documented in an article he wrote about his mental health battle for Outside Magazine: https://www.outsideonline.com/health/training-performance/anxiety-cant-be-trained-away/

Stulburg’s words hit very close to home. I have friends and loved ones that battle the demons of depression, anxiety, panic, and obsessive thoughts. I can also relate because following the birth of my youngest daughter Cassie, I experienced post-partum depression with similar symptoms.

My PPD presented itself as pure OCD – obsessive thoughts about hurting her.  Of course, I KNEW I loved her with the depths of my soul, and that I could not hurt my children. We had prayed for a baby for years, so the idea of hurting her was ludicrous, but for some reason, these thoughts ran through my head constantly. It was terrifying. I felt like I was going crazy, but I was too afraid to say anything.

What we push down inside grows.

Finally, after about 6 months of torment, I broke down to Ben and let him know. In tears, I told him everything. I questioned whether it was okay to leave her alone with me. I couldn’t stop these thoughts.

Just saying the words lifted some of the weight that had been crushing me. Ben comforted me, he held me tight and let me cry and vent.  He reminded me about what a loving mother I am. And he encouraged me to get help.

After I saw how much better I felt talking to Ben, I began to open up to my friends, my physician, and my family, who had the same reaction. They just loved me and reminded me of who I was.  Each conversation lifted the weight.   I remember my family doctor saying, “Mama, you’re going to be okay. Cassie is going to be okay. You’re experiencing a form of OCD and it’s not uncommon”.  He suggested I get therapy.

Cassie is now 4 years old. I am incredibly fortunate that the thoughts slowly began to fade from my mind rather soon after seeking help. Simply opening up, accepting my experiences rather than hiding from them, leaning into my community, and reminding myself who I am was the help I needed.

That is the essence of Grounding. I didn’t know that I needed grounding at the time, but the practice helped me immensely.  And that is exactly what The Practice of Groundedness is about.

Click here to purchase The Practice of Groundedness on Amazon

I started listening to the audiobook with the intent of supporting my coaching practice – I wasn’t expecting the stroll down memory lane. Although perhaps being able to relate on a personal level to the struggles of athletes is what makes a good coach even better. Here’s how the book applies to others.

Heroic individualism leads to burnout and unhappiness.

Despite how I have set it up for you, the book is not a mental health book. His personal story is just a small piece that spoke to me. The book is for those seeking success without it crushing their soul.

Can you relate to any of these feelings?

• Whoever you are and whatever you do, it’s never enough.
• You have a gut feeling that something isn’t right, but you can’t figure out what it is or what to do about it.
• You take on too many things, at a fast pace and under tremendous pressure, leaving you feeling scattered, rushed, or exhausted – your life swirling from one thing to the next.
• You feel very busy, but also restless when you have open time, and then guilty when you relax and take a break from pursuing your accomplishments.
• You measure yourself against impossibly high standards and fixate on closing the gap between where you are and where you want to be.
• The need to be better, do better, feel better – but no idea how to start.  But also a struggle to be content.
• OR -however far you go, you still haven’t arrived, but if you just pushed a little harder, you’d get what you wanted.

Stulburg coins this as heroic individualism – a way of thinking, popular in today’s world, that we should strive to be more productive, more optimized, and more successful. Grind, grind, grind.

Under the spell of heroic individualism, many people eventually experience burnout and unhappiness. For others like Stulburg, it can lead to serious mental health problems.

Freedom from heroic individualism came as an epiphany to Stulburg.  As he walked through a redwood forest and admired the expansive canopy soaring hundreds of feet into the air, it occurred to him that the trees’ impressive root system is the reason why the trees are so strong and can weather centuries of storms and wind. The roots are not that deep, they are that wide.  They overlap underground and support each other in unseen ways.

The secret is to focus on your roots – the principles and practices that keep you grounded. Heroic individualism sees only the canopy (individual accomplishments), neglecting the roots, and making us vulnerable to the storms of life.

The Six Principles of Groundedness

Drawing from both ancient wisdom and modern science, The Practice of Groundedness identifies six principles of a more grounded way of living:

• Accept your present circumstance. You are where you are now, not where you think you should be.
• Stay present with it
• Be patient with your progress. Sometimes the best way to get something done is to let it happen at it’s own pace.
• Allow yourself to be vulnerable. It builds trust and confidence and eliminates cognitive dissonance.
• Embrace community.
• Keep your body moving. The more you move, the you learn more about the signals your body is sending.

Thinking back on my experience and contrasting it to this list is eerily remarkable. These are the exact things that brought me through my experience with PPD well before this book was written. It’s constructive to see it listed out and with such detailed explanations.

The book offers many practice skills derived from ancient Chinese wisdom (Zen) and modern therapies such as dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). I am excited to put these thoughts intentionally into practice with myself, my athletes, and my family.

Below you’ll read the author’s words on each principle.

Accept Where You Are to Get You Where You Want to Go.

Seeing clearly and starting where you are. Not where you want to be. Not where you think you should be. Not where others think you should be. But where you are.

This is hard—but the only way to make meaningful progress.

— Brad Stulberg (@BStulberg) September 7, 2021

Be Present So You Can Own Your Attention and Energy.

Being present, physically and mentally, for what is in front of you. Spending more time fully in this life, not in thoughts about the past or future.

Happiness, wellbeing, and peak performance come from being in the moment.

— Brad Stulberg (@BStulberg) September 7, 2021

Be Patient and You’ll Get There Faster.

Give things time and space to unfold. Do not expect instant results and then quit when they don’t occur.

We often do things quickly—not better— to gain time. But what’s the point if in the time we gain we just do more things quickly?

— Brad Stulberg (@BStulberg) September 7, 2021

Embrace Vulnerability to Develop Genuine Strength and Confidence.

Being real with yourself and others, at work and in life. Eliminating cognitive dissonance, or the inner turmoil and distress that arises when too much of your life is performative. Coming to know all of yourself.

— Brad Stulberg (@BStulberg) September 7, 2021

Build Deep Community.

Roots of massive redwoods only run 6 to 12 feet deep. Instead of deep, they grow out, extending hundreds of feet laterally, wrapping around other trees’ roots, helping each other stand firmly in the ground amidst rough weather.

This is a model for us, too.

— Brad Stulberg (@BStulberg) September 7, 2021

Move Your Body to Ground Your Mind.

Regularly moving your body so that you fully inhabit it, connect it to your mind, and become more situated wherever you are.

Doesn’t mean you must be an athlete. It just means to make movement a part of your life, even if only in a small way.

— Brad Stulberg (@BStulberg) September 7, 2021

I am currently enjoying listening to Peter Attia’s book, Outlive: The Science and Art of Longevity. I LOVE my audible membership. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy reading, but I can consume so much more information when I listen! Amazon gives you 3 months of free listening if you sign up for premium plus (which is what I have) – you can sign up for that here.

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